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What You Won't Do...

January 12, 2019



Alright, this is NOT about cheating or about why people cheat!  (I just had to put that disclaimer out there.)  However, it can possibly prevent it.  Let's think about something.  Most relationship fail because of finances, sex, or poor communication, right?  Right.  So, it made me think, "What are some things that can prevent a potentially meaningless dispute?"  Then, Joe's "All the Things (Your Man Won't Do)" played on my iPhone.  That was the moment I thought about my own relationships, past and present.  


We all should know that the key to any healthy relationship is communication.  Oh,it is vital!  But, communicating your feelings is like giving a person your personal playbook.  I played football for two years in high school.  Believe it or not, my little ass was the starting left tackle for two years.  My size wasn't ideal. (I was 5'5 and about 160 pounds!) But, I was fundamental.  I studied.  I followed the upperclassmen's examples on how to do my job.  I knew that when I heard "35 Belly Dive", I'm either blocking the man in front of me, or I'm cross blocking with the guard.  Either way, my running back scored every time.  I'm saying all that to say, when you study and listen, your job becomes second nature.  


I'll give you and example:

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a terrible listener. (I swear I'm getting better!) I can tell you, it pisses her completely off!  Let's face it.  She likes to vent.  She likes to share ideas.  She likes to just tell me about her day.  What do I do in response?  I interrupt.  I talk over her.  I give opinions or responses when they do not warrant one. I've even been called out on my responses.  I'd say things like "Damn.", or "Oh, okay."  I'd come off as dry and not sincere.  It's not because I'm not interested. But, I didn't know how to respond.  So I finally asked her "How can I be a more effective listener?"  Her response?  "Show interest and  stop being disrespectful.  Everything doesn't require an answer."  That's fair.  Let's be honest about something.  I'd rather her tell me about her fucked up day than her tell it to another man!  That's a legit fear!  If I don't allow her to express herself, she'll find someone else who will.  That's my time she's giving away.  Naw, homie!  


Sex (YES, SEX!) is HUGE!  Peep!  We all have some freak shit built inside of us...or most of us.  I've heard people talk about their sex lives.  Some are like "aw, okay", and other were like "...oh, okay".  Here's the thing though.  That crazy sex life was agreed upon by two people.  I mean I have heard some very interesting stories.  Some stories I'd rather not repeat.  However, someone had to initiate action, or at least speak on it.   Understand, sex is an act that is agree upon by two...or more...people. (I told y'all I've heard stories.)  Yet, during the act, it's spontaneous.  There's the changing of positions.  There's the pillow talk.  Then, there's that thing that he or she likes.  Now, I won't get into any examples or specifics here so use your imagination.  We all have that thing we really like...like REALLY like. Then, there's the other half that's like "HELL NAW!" Why?  Human nature kicks in.  Sex is supposed to be fun.  It's supposed to be enjoyable.  Good sex is about being open-minded.  Test your limits! We are too afraid of the unknown.  That's with anything.  However, you should not be afraid to try things with your spouse, especially if it's a long term relationship.  That's where the trust comes into play.  A lot of us are afraid to express ourselves sexually because of fear or rejection.  This is where the idea of cheating comes into play, whether physical or emotional.  As the receiver of the message, think before you answer.  Ask yourself "Why or why not". After all, great sex is like Vitamin C for the relationship.  It keeps things healthy.  


Lastly, be thoughtful in your actions.  Do you know what I hate hearing? 


"So and so got flowers sent to the job.  I wish I got flowers at work."  


All the little things that your significant other desires, keep it tucked your mind.  She obviously wants those flowers at work.  So, surprise her randomly.  It doesn't even have to be a special occasion.  When you go shopping, buy a "I was thinking of you gift."  It doesn't have to be expensive.  It's REALLY the thought that counts. When he or she is having a rough day, be the peace that they need and not make the pain of the day worse.  Rub his shoulders. (I prefer my head rubbed.)  Cook or buy her dinner. Go for a ride. Go on an ice cream date. Or just chill in silence.  It's truly the thought that counts.  


With a new year there are always changes.  This year, pledge to your partner and yourself to better to and for each other.  Be all he or she needs.  Idle hands are the Devil's playground.  You can either be a snack or the main course.  Or better yet, you can be the meal that gets passed over.  We ain't skipping meals this year!


Happy New Year! Now go and have some wild sex, and share an egg sandwich!




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